Gilbert MagazineCover

The Logical Vegetarian
by G.K. Chesterton,
with an additional verse by Nathan Allen

You will find me drinking rum,
Like a sailor in a slum,
You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian.
You will find me drinking gin
In the lowest kind of inn,
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.

So I cleared the inn of wine,
And I tried to climb the sign,
And I tried to hail the constable as ‘Marion.’
But he said I couldn’t speak,
And he bowled me to the Beak
Because I was a Happy Vegetarian.

Oh, I knew a Doctor Gluck,
And his nose it had a hook,
And his attitudes were anything but Aryan;
So I gave him all the pork
That I had upon a fork
Because I am myself a Vegetarian.

I am silent in the club, I am silent in the pub,
I am silent on a belly peak in Darien;
For I stuff away for life
Shoving peas in with a knife,
Because I am at heart a Vegetarian.

No more the milk of cows
Shall pollute my private house
Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian;
I will stick to port and sherry,
For they are so very, very,
So very, very, very Vegetarian.

You won't find me smoking weed
Or giving in to sordid greed
Or ogling girls like vultures circling carrion;
No, I'll stick to my cigar
Or smoke my pipe while in my car,
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.


Jef Murray said...

Ted, this is lovely! Great perspective, dynamics, everything! I only have one criticism, and that is that you might want to consider adding some darker shading underneath GKC and the pig...they look a little like they're floating over the signpost rather than resting on it.... Otherwise, excellent!

theobear said...

THANKS Jef, and yes, good call, I'll add some shadow there.

Ben said...

I think I've told you "woo HOO!" about this before, but once again, Ted, Woo HOO!

you're covers are good as gold.

BTW, I tried to sing this as a song this summer -I even managed to explain the verses to an Italian friend.

Abigail said...

Their expressions are great - really nice.